The Majorettes (1986)

Fear 0/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 0/5
Creepiness 0/5

Talk about the most deceivingly shot cover for a horror movie ever. It would lead you to believe that hot and sultry evil baton twirling vixens dispense justice at their school, whipping the shit out of douchey kids, all the while (hopefully), getting shit-faced, high, and banging the heck out of the entire football team. Sounds like the perfect set-up to the raddest slasher, T&A infested, sleaze soaked film ever right? Loaded with red herrings and even a complete shift in plot direction midway through, The Majorettes is anything but.

The film starts off with a really long and drawn out dance sequence. After seemingly 20 minutes of prancing around and having their pictures taken by the AV club head nerd, the girls head to the gym showers where the janitor of the school has a little hole in the wall staked out for a peepfest show and he takes pictures as they shower and change. After said shower scene, one of the girls heads home to her grandmother's. She's an invalid being cared for by a nasty nurse that demeans her every chance she gets. In words and actions, it becomes obvious that she is waiting for the old hag to kickoff so that she can collect all of her goodies (she's uber rich). And her son also happens to be the peeping janitor.

Another majorette in the group goes out on a date that night with the AV geek. They pull up to a local make out spot and as she attempts to get into his knickers, she stops herself in a moment of conscience play. You see, she's preggos and she was hoping to sleep with the dude and then pin the pregnancy on him. Apparently her former boyfriend who is a drug dealer and in a satanic biker gang (no joke) completely ditched her and she was hoping to use this poor kid. Whore! Just then, a figure leaps on top of the car, making growling noises, cloaked head to toe in camouflage gear. The figure takes a hunting knife to the top of the roof, ripping through and killing both teens.

This act sets off a string of some of the most boring kills I've ever seen in a horror movie. As the majorettes keep getting picked off one by one, you are led to believe its one of 3 peeps orchestrating these amazingly dull offings: the peeping tom janitor, the nurse who's hoping to collect from the old lady's estate or the drug dealing, satanic biker gang dude. But none of these 3 are the killer at all kiddos! No, no. Its the local sheriff who's a wacko religious type who wants to cleanse the soul of the whorish miscreant majorettes! After he kills each, he performs a ritualistic baptismal and pours water over their heads.

After the killer is revealed at about an hour in, the head quarterback goes on a Rambo mission to avenge the death of his girlfriend, taking out the hideout of the satanic, drug dealing biker gang as he believes they are to be held responsible. At this point in the movie, you begin to think that the script writer just said 'fuck it'. Well you know what, now I am too. Avoid this piece of shit at all costs.

Cortez the Killer

Them! (1954)

Fear 1/5
Gore 0/5

Entertainment 5/5

Creepiness 1/5

There is nothing like a goofy monster movie to sit back, relax, and just have a good ol' time with. Not much to think about by way of plot construction, no overly stylistic direction or message conveyed, just pure unadulterated silliness abounding in each monster soaked shot framed and each line of dopey dialogue delivered.

Them starts with a duo of police officers who come across a girl that is in a state of complete shock, unable to tell them why she is out wandering around aimlessly in the New Mexico desert. Upon driving back into town, they happen upon a mobile home that has been ripped to shreds. They take an imprint of a large 'foot' that's found nearby. When they get back into town, they learn that the Feds are already hot on the case, having flown in two scientists who specialize in entomology.

Tension begins to mount as one of the scientists (who looks exactly like Sir Richard Attenborough) tries to snap the little girl out of her vegetative state. As he does so, she starts screaming 'Them! Them! Them!' repeatedly and goes into a mad frenzy. As they travel out to the middle of the desert, they find a large hole in the ground (I thought ants lived in large mounds?) and we catch a glimpse of our creepy crawly antagonists. No real insects or reptiles superimposed against city scapes (ala The Giant Gila Monster). No, what we have here folks are good ol' fashion, life-like, 'full-scale' ant models. They take out the colony only to find that the queen has escaped. When they get back to the police station, they come back to reports of strange 'flying saucers' and head out west to track down the queen.

One of the best Cold War era mutant monster movies, this film will keep you entertained with its surprisingly good tension builds but more importantly, with its hilarious (unintentional?) dialogue. After one of the scientists assures the police officers that the original hive has been more than saturated with enough cyanide, an officer remarks: 'If I can still raise an arm once I get out of this place, I'm gonna show you just how saturated I can get!' Nyuck nyuck.

A perfect popcorn flick for any night, Them is thoroughly entertaining and one of the most perfect monster films ever made. Good times indeed.

Cortez the Killer

Hilariously Gruesome Work Safety Video

Thanks to Complaint Dept. for sending this along. Its a work safety video that poses the question 'Will you be here tomorrow?' The interviews are classic and impart such intuitive tidbits as 'We must work like a team' with the back drop of a finger being severed or an appendage being shorn. Utterly amazing.

For your viewing pleasure:

Trailer Madness!

A few trailers have premiered this week. Here's the run down:

From the writer of Juno and starring Megan Fox (wowwee wow wee whoa whoa), Jennifer's Body:



From some dudes that directed some Saw flicks. An evil dude setting traps in a house? Not much of a stretch, but looks interesting nonetheless. The Collector:



A college student channels messages from the dead. Carved into his body. Ouch. Clive Barker's Book of Blood:



Vampires have to farm humans for blood. In the future. Promises to make up for Twilight. Daybreakers:

The Devil's Tomb (2009)

Fear 2/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 3/5
Creepiness 1/5

Perusing the never ending walls of movie selections at BlockBuster, I came across what surely had to be a hidden gem. An action horror starring Cuba Gooding Jr. AND Henry Rollins, who's back cover implies ancient Satanic evils? Yes please, sign me up. Not too mention I have a huge man crush on ol' Hanky. I'm a big time fan of the dude.

Starting off in familiar horror action territory, a band of mercenaries are sent to extract a doctor from an ancient tomb with the aide of his daughter as a tour guide. They land via hello-copter in the middle of the desert and are lead to a hidden hatch that leads into the first level of an underground base. You see, the base was constructed around the tomb to keep whatever was trapped inside absolutely, 100%, Glad freezer bag tight. The tour guide talks of the mission as being 'classified' and one begins to wonder if they are there to make sure E.T. doesn't phone home. But wait, upon entering the base, they run into a priest who has a gnarly skin rash and he starts speaking in tongues. Surely this can't be the work of space beings?

As the group traverse through the base and its many passageways in search of the doctor that is holed up in a safe room, they come across another man with Linda Blair eyes, who's skin is also in dire need of some Benadryl, and he starts spewing all kinds of biblical nonsense. They make quick work of him and continue on their merry way. As they move along, constant scene cutaways reveal a creature frozen in a block who's outline looks exactly like am interplanetary being. The bible and aliens? How does it all fit dear Watson?

So Cuba and his rag tag band of mercs continue on and as they do so, they are constantly taunted and haunted in their heads by whatever evil is trapped inside. They come across Mr. 'Get in The Van' (one of the raddest books ever, BTW) Rollins, who's locked himself in another safe room. And holy shit, he's a priest too! He leads them to the tomb where the creature is being held and begins to impart upon the group of soldiers his wisdom of the scriptures and why this creature is here. You see the figure being kept frozen in the block and hidden in a tomb isn't an alien (nevermind the fact that it looks EXACTLY like every stereotypical incarnation of a space bugger you've ever seen). They are fallen angels cast out from heaven and sent to earth. If not for God, they would have possessed and turned people into evil doers. He created tombs to imprison the aliens, but not really aliens. And once the good doctor came across his discovery, he couldn't leave, as the spirit of the evil alien angel began to possess him. Had he left the base, he would of unleashed it upon the world. This is some Choose Your Own Adventure type of plot construction for fuck's sake.

Its then revealed that the soldiers were never meant to leave and are basically on a suicide mission. One of the soldiers is a computer geek and was brought along to hack into the mainframe of the base. Unbeknownst to him, once he did, it set off a ticking clock that counted down to its self-destruction. The base blows up, killing all inhabitants except for Daddy Day Camp. Seriously, he's a former Oscar winner and he's fallen THAT much that he stars in a sequel to a movie that starred Eddie Murphy?

Dopey dinguses that love Resident Evil, Doom, Aliens vs. Predator and other films of this ilk, will eat this up. Despite some really neat-o gore scenes, the plot and 'grand' reveal towards the end made my head hurt.

Cortez the Killer

Just Before Dawn (1981)

Fear 0/5
Gore 1/5
Entertainment 2/5

Creepiness 0/5

If the Sharpee drawing on this poster doesn't clue you in to the low budgetry of Just Before Dawn then you need to look closer. It's an amazing piece of art. The poster I mean. The film is doo-doo.

Slow, virtually bloodless and completely textbook early 80's slasher film cashing in on the Friday the 13th series. Ugly kids with ridiculous hair and clothes drive their kick-ass van up to the woods to go camping. They drink, get loud and remove articles of clothing. Groovy right?

Meanwhile, twin inbred fat-asses are slowly lurking about with machetes and fake eyebrows, intent on heavy breathing, sweating, grunting and drooling. Occasionally they kill someone, but the killings are few and far between. Mainly they just menace...sort of.

Actually the first offing is kind of rad - machete through the crotch and out the arse. But that, sadly, is the full extent of the gore and mayhem we are to be dealt. From minute 7 onwards it's a total snoozer.

For some reason, this is being touted about as a long lost classic, even being sold as a two disc set. According to Wikipedia it "has now developed a devoted cult following among horror fans. It is praised for its eerie atmosphere, lush cinematography, and above-average cast." Uhm....no. Here's some things that have more entertainment value than Just Before Dawn:

Potsy on Happy Days

BrokenCYDE

BMX Bike Races

Roadside monuments to people killed in drunk driving accidents

Juggalo Championship Wrestling

Daisy of Love

Sleeping

"Your Mom" jokes

Duran Duran circa 1996

Gorefest? Try Borefest.!Bwaaahaha, I'm hilarious, look at me. Trailer...fuck it. You do the work. I had to watch this shit sandwich.

- Complaint Dept

Night School--aka Terror Eyes (1981)

Fear 0/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 0/5
Ridiculous Silliness Factor 5/5

My gravy list of slasher films continues to grow thanks to the seemingly neverending amount of small budget films released during the 80's that didn't receive as much fanfare as the Freddy's and Jason's of the world. Not too mention the fine flick 'Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film' (reviewed waaaaay back when, here) dispensed a whole slew of others I had never heard of. And since I love these films, I will continue to seek out all variations of this 'love it or hate it' genre in horror as it never ceases to amaze me the levels a script writer and director will stoop to bring the utterly dumb and retarded to life on the big screen.

Women attending a local night school begin getting waxed one by one during their normal day jobs by someone riding a motorcycle, wearing all black leather and a helmet, using a curved, sickle-like knife as the primary means of deploying death. A 'too much smarts for the rest of the police depatment' lieutenant heads up the case, interviewing the school teacher and believing that he's the prime suspect. You see, the teach happens to have a reputation for romancing and sexing his way into the knickers of his students (which for some reason ALL happen to be female AND attractive). As the bodies mount, the lieutenant gets more and more frustrated as his partner believes its a reclusive, peeping tom guy who washes dishes at the local diner. You see, one night, the assistant to the teacher (who also happens to be an attractive female, what a lucky guy!) stops in for a bite to eat and is followed home by the peeping tom dish washer guy. She gets the heebie jeebies and follows up the next day with the po-po's.

Bodies continue to pile up and the kill scenes are less than stellar. Very little blood is dispensed and there is no gore. The kills themselves cut away to something that represents it in mere image alone (i.e. where you would see the knife cut into the neck and blood would spurt, it cuts away before the act and instead a fade-out occurs, showing a person walking, wearing a red sweater). Lame-o maximus. But that's not really the star of the film here. Nope. When blood and gore are missing, and virtually no T&A factor is present (I know, I know, that's enough to shut down even the most diehard of slasher fans), in my opinion, the saving grace HAS to be the cornball delicious dialogue. One of the girls who works at the local aquarium feeding sharks (holy random day job. Batman!) returns to the women's locker room to change after her shift and is attacked by the killer. Again, the cutting away method is used (as her head is lopped off, it cuts to a turtle eating some plankton, how cute!) and the killer dumps her head into the aquarium. In the next scene I've extracted the exchange with the lieutenant and his partner from IMB:

Judd Austin: Don't you ever take your job seriously?
Taj: Come on, Judd. If we did that we'd end up in the funny farm!
Judd Austin: [they arrive at the car and get inside] Duck ponds, bucket, now a fish tank. [pause] Judd Austin: 'The hell are you eating?
Taj: A sandwich. Want some?
Judd Austin: [after a moment's pause] Yeah, give me some. [Taj hands him half the sandwich and he takes a bite out of it]
Judd Austin: What kind is it?
Taj: Tuna fish.

So with dopey and silly exchanges like this occuring almost ad nauseum throughout the flick, and with a clever throwing off of the senses of who the real killer is, the film ultimately works for this here slasher film enthusiast. I can't completely recommend this to most horror fans or even the casual watcher, as most will think its dull and boring (mainly due to the absence of blood and gore). But if fun, outrageous silliness is the name of your game, then Night School has got it for you. In spades.

Cortez the Killer

P.S. I searched high and low but no trailer to be found for this one. So you will have to take my word for it. I did give it 'Shit-Sandwich' AND 'Recommended' tags. You have been warned.

New Life Form Or Clever Viral Campaign?

The internets.com is a flutter today over a mysterious video posted which shows a camera as it captures a series of pulsating, Contra boss-like larvae sacks, lined on the walls of an underground sewer system.

Real or just a clever marketing scheme? Various interwebs message boards have comments that seem all too strangely similar, word for word even. I'm guessing viral campaign vs. alien invaders.

Nonetheless, the video is pretty creepy.

Cortez the Killer

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Fear 2/5
Gore 5/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5

Zack Snyder directed this remake of the 1978 zombie and gore classic. I liked 300. It was violent, entertaining and both manly as hell and queer as a $3 bill. Sort of like Manowar. He also directed Watchmen which I liked. It was entertaining, fairly true to the original story and was neat to look at. His first directorial effort, 2004's Dawn of Dead however - well I love it. In fact, it's better than the original.

Oh calm down Comicon nerds. If you're having a conniption fit right now, you need to stop complaining about my Ghost Adventurer's post and face the facts.

I'll review Romero's original film at some point, but for now let's all admit the following - despite it's groundbreaking gore effects and clever satire of American culture, it's poorly acted, poorly scripted and way too long. And really, the satire isn't all that clever really. It's not as clever as Night of the Living Dead was.

The remake has lots going for it. For one thing, it's exciting. I know some "purists" are not fans of the fast zombie, but you have to admit that it's always been a little goofy that people couldn't outrun flesh-eaters with a top speed of 2 miles per hour. I happen to like the fast zombie - it's much scarier to me. And there are some undead dudes here who are fucking fast AND creepy. The zombie with one arm sprinting towards the protagonists - yikes man!The legless dude who comes swinging down on the one guy - double yikes!

The script, while pretty faithful to the original concept, is also much better. It was mainly handled by James Gunn who also wrote and directed Slither. And he was married to Jenna Fischer. For one thing, the dialogue lacks the wooden and forced qualities that the original has. It's also kind of funny at times, and occasionally, a little sad. It has some fun twists, but they're not ridiculous - the concept of the entire population turning into man-meat gobbling goblins is ridiculous enough. Basically, the writers knew when to push things and when to pull their punches.

And while both films are uber-gory, the gore in the remake is more "painful" to watch. The exploding head scene that kicks things off in the original is amazing, but there is something more awful about the remake's scene where the truck overturns and the chainsaw winds up in the woman's shoulder. It's just mean.

It's not a perfect film. The characters are a little . . . well stereotypie - the ultra serious cop, the power-trippin' redneck mall cop, the clean cut good dad, the little blonde nurse who surprises everyone with her resilience, the gangsta dude with the heart of gold, etc. etc. The zombies sound like cheetahs for some reason. And the zombie baby scene, well that's just fucking stupid and totally unnecessary.

If you like zombies, gore, action, fun stories and have a love of nihilism, check this one out. Then go back and watch the original. I'm telling you, it's better and that's NOT a knock on the original. It's just a damn good horror movie. And has a cool soundtrack as well.

-Complaint Dept

The Burrowers (2008)

Fear 2/5

Gore 1/5

Entertainment 2/5

Creepiness 2/5

For some reason, hearing the name of the film and then finding out that it was a western horror flick, instantly conjured images of the film Tremors. Well, I got the monster part right, but without the cheeseball antics and a whole lot of bacon. Kevin that is. The Burrowers is an interesting take on the monster film and is propelled by some fine acting. But ultimately, its hindered by a painfully slow pace and far too much dragged out tension.

The film kicks off with a family out in the ol' west, hanging out one night in their farmhouse only to be interrupted by screams and gunshots outside. They quickly exit stage left and head for the basement below their home. Screams are heard and as the family huddles together, a strange rustling outside begins and something breaks through their basement door. When day breaks, a group of locals including the future groom to be of one of the girls in the family, inspect the house only to find a pool of blood and no one around. Assuming the work of indians, the group gets together along with a tracker and a U.S. cavalryman and his soldiers and head out in search of the injuns who have taken the family prisoner.

As they traverse the landscape in search of the band of indians, they come across one, capture him and toture him into revealing the name of the tribe that attacked the family. He only utters the name 'burrowers' and the search party deem it the name of a tribe they've never heard of. As the night progresses, members of the group get picked off one by one. Strange noises are heard during the night and of course, like any 'good' horror film, they need to be investigated, by golly. When they wake up the next morning, they find their group noticeably thinner and the group of locals along with the groom to be, break off from the U.S. soldier and his men as they feel they would best be served by splitting up.

This is where the movie begins to drag. Another day of slogging through the plains, random blatherings about women and the ol' west, and another camp set-up at night which gives way to more strange noises. We FINALLY see what the monsters look like (think those weird, vagina face looking things in Roger Corman movies), goofy CGI and all. The band of rag tags fend them off and as the morning dawn comes to save the day (and only one of the guys make it through the night), we find out what the creatures are susceptible to. Lame.

As mentioned, the acting is mighty fine and you will immediately recognize the bit actors who star in it but probably can't call them out by name. They carry the film for awhile and lend credibility to the tension and drama as it initially builds. But the slow and dragged out pace, coupled with the less than great reveal of the actual creatures themselves (not too mention the hokey ending), is ultimately what leads to a big fat bag of fail. Although I would personally like to see more western themed horror films.

Cortez the Killer

The Box: Trailer

From Richard Kelly, the guy who brought us the phenomenally weird Donnie Darko, comes this film about a down on their luck couple who receive a strange box one night and an indecent proposal. A couple interesting things:

1. Its going head-to-head, opening on the same date (10/23) as the latest Saw flick. Hasn't this franchise pulverized a dead horse enough?

2. The trailer even uses the SAME exact grandiose soundtrack as the Saw films which is basically signaling a big 'F-you, our film is going to be better' type of stance.

Regardless, the film looks really interesting. Even though I can't stand Cameron Diaz.

Cortez the Killer

Best Horror Movie Without A Mainstream Release?

I've been reading about Trick 'R Treat for awhile now on the internets.com and from everything I've heard (including from the tough but always fair Horror Movie A Day), this film is an instant classic. Aside from a few child killings (as noted by the aforementioned site), there is no other reasoning possibly given as to why this film has not received a proper theatrical release.

Posted below is a 9 minute clip from the film that has gotten me all revved up. Apparently, Warner Bros. has been sitting on this film since 2007 and it will finally see the light of day with a DVD release coming this October. You would think since it stars the ever more increasingly hot Anna Paquin, and because of the fact that True Blood is the most popular vampy thing this side of Twatlight (I can't take credit for this amalgamation of words, but this fine young lady can), that it would see a proper release. But I guess that's what makes this far more intriguing and tingly in my man parts. I'm definitely looking forward to its release, one way or another.

Cortez the Killer

P.S. more reviews coming soon. I was visiting future in-laws in Philly (who's residents have accents EXACTLY how you would imagine them to be) and taking some much needed time off.

The Zombieland Trailer Is Here!

Lots of much ado about this movie but mainly because Woody Harrelson went nutzoid towards a paparazzi, mistaking him for being one of the undead. Later he went on to state that he was still in character (no joke).

Check out the trailer for the new flick below. Explosions, zombie kills, hot girls and Van Halen. My head just exploded.

Cortez the Killer

Laid to Rest (2009)

Fear 2/5

Gore 5/5

Entertainment 3/5

Creepiness 1/5

The hype around this movie was literally almost enough to drown me in a sea of over gushing praise and glowing adjectives. After my extremely disappointing experience with Hatchet (Complaint Dept. and I had differing opinions, see here), which was positioned in much the same vein as this flick, I was pretty hesitant. However, the endless heaping on of praise (damn you marketing!) as being one of the best and most original slasher films released within the last few years certainly piqued my interest as I am a huge fan of the genre no matter how much its been riddled with self-parody and endless copycats. So does this film deliver the goods? Read on.

The film starts off with a woman who wakes up inside a coffin in a funeral home. She stumbles through the joint in a haze, clearly not knowing where the heezy she is. She makes her way into an embalming room and promptly locks herself inside when a masked man appears at the door. He briefly goes away as the caretaker of the place unlocks the door and she hysterically claims there a strange dude is roaming around. As the caretaker opens the door, the masked man (which is a chrome skeleton face, bling bling) comes back into view and quickly dispenses the caretaker with some sort of spear-like device. The woman runs out of the room and through the front door, and begins a mad dash down the road leading away from the mortuary. She runs into a guy riding along in his pickup truck and he takes her back to his pad.

The man (who gets around by cane) along with his religious rabble rouser of a wife, take her in and let her get straight. She has a crazy flashback episode while she's in the shower and the man goes into the bathroom to calm her down. The wife chimes in with claims, yelling at her husband that the women is no good and that she's probably a whore. Now there's a way to win friends and influence people! The chrome face covered dude (who's now wielding a Rambo-like knife) tracks them down and as the loony wife tries to hop out a bedroom window, he shuts it on her waist high and hackety smacketys off her head. This kicks off a cat and mouse game for the rest of the movie between the killer, the old hobbling man, coffin girl, and milk commercial guy (read on).

The hobbily man and coffin gal escape from the house, driving along the road and stopping at a house that is lighted and deemed safe. They ring the doorbell, and then, holy fucking jesus! Its that kid from the milk commercials during the early 90's ('Aaaaron Burr!'). Except he's now aged about 20 years and looks even fuglier than before! He lets them in claiming he doesn't have a landline phone with which to call authorities but he does have a computer with internet connection and they can send an email! WTF? He sends one off to the local po po station and advises that they head to the station themselves. They get there and the killer has already waxed the sheriff and he's waiting for them. Its off to the races again until the very end when they have a final standoff with the killer at the local gas station.

Some incredible gore scenes notwithstanding, the really bad acting and just way too silly and implausible scenarios (you have a computer and full internet access but no phone whatsoever, puh-lease!) contribute to an overall lackluster feeling. The cool thing about the killer is that he has a video camera affixed to his shoulder and he tapes the brutal mauling of his victims. This concept is never really explored much further and it would have been really awesome to have shown some of the kills from the perspective and eye of the lens. So why is the killer so intent on getting to coffin girl? Well apparently she IS a whore afterall and as camera footage shows, the killer is trying to make some sort of example of her, making her realize the error of her ways. A slasher movie with a conscience? Lame. In the end, not worth the hype but definitely worth its weight in gore-ific-ness. A big resounding 'meh' overall.

Cortez the Killer

Chopping Mall (1986)

Fear 2/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5
T&A Factor 5/5

Anyone who reads this here interwebs blog knows of my affinity for cornball, cheese dick-a-licious 80's horror flicks. Horror movies from the 80's range from genre defining to downright awful to so bad its good, like going on a candy binge when you need to have a severe root canal. Painfully aweful yet oh so sweet. Chopping Mall definitely fits into the later category.

A high end robotic security team of Johnny 5's (think a bastard, stubby Ewok-a-fied version of the robot from Short Circuit), are dispatched nightly at a local mall to scan the various levels and be on the lookout for any bad dudes. One night, a storm hits and a bolt of lightning is sent through the engineering room, zapping the little robots and making them go cuckoo nutzoids.

A group of kids that work in the mall decide to lock up shop and then head over to the furniture emporium to shack up together for the night, indulging in the typical excesses that are a hallmark of 80's horror: sex, booze, etc. I love 80's horror movies for mainly 2 things: T&A and the ridiculous characterization of dopey and douchey teens. Somewhere in the mix is of course, blood and gore, but the way these characters are written and the mozzarella cheese uttered in just about every line of dialogue is simply amazing.

The robots start picking off the kids and janitors who are cleaning up the place for the night and the remaining kiddos band together to fight off the wacked out Johnny 5's. They raid a sporting good store in the mall which just so happens to stock military assault rifles (seriously?) and they devise ways to kill off the crazed tin cans on mechanized wheels.

This movie has it all: robots, lazers, sex crazed kids, cornball dialogue (one of the girls grabs a gun from one of the dudes when he can't shoot straight and after she hits her target says, 'My dad was a marine'-- what a freakin' coincidence!) and one of the raddest head exploding scenes I have ever seen this side of Scanners. See this 80's classic if you haven't already.

Cortez the Killer