Friday, November 27, 2009

Silent Madness 3-D (1984)



Fear 1/5
Gore 3/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5
T&A Factor 2/5

An asylum doctor issues release orders for patients that he deems fit and no longer in need of care. Much to the chagrin of his staff, he's trying to reduce costs and boost the notoriety of his practice with the number of people he releases who 'appear' to no longer be a threat to society or themselves. That's all fine and dandy until his lead attending psychiatrist finds out that a computer error was made and that they released someone they shouldn't have. Whoops!

The man who's mistakenly let out promptly goes on a killing spree, using sledgehammers, knifes, axes and vice clamps to kill off young college coeds. The film was originally a 3-D production and the version I watched still had the accompanying in your face shots but without the benefits of said technology. So during some of the kills, you get cheesy cartoonish effects like this:


So the main attending psychiatrist at the institution goes undercover, posing as a cross-country traveler and asking to stay at one of the sorority houses, claiming she is a former member to gain entry. Little do the sisters know that she was involved in what took place at the house years ago. In a flashback scene, during initiation week, the girls took aspiring members into the basement of the house, bending them over and doing the prerequisite whacking of paddles. The son of the house mother was caught snooping and the sisters dragged him back upstairs, tormenting him by making him drink alcohol while they all paraded around him, stripping off articles of clothing and showing him their assets. Oh what ghastly horror!! This was apparently too much for him to handle and he went apeshit. Taking a nail gun that was randomly lying around, he began capping his tormentors with only the psychiatrist surviving.


Not so hot on the case of the recent killings, is a smart mouthed, Coors pounding cop who arrested the traumatized nail gun wielding psycho years ago. He's initially skeptical when the psychiatrist comes to the station and pleads for help. He calls the hospital only to have them hide their fuck-up. When the psychiatrist comes back to the station for a 2nd time along with a local male newspaper reporter, the cop directs his ills towards him, yelling 'Get the fuck outta here. Just because the goddamn broad is good lookin', doesn't mean we ALL have to think with our dicks.'

The insitution finally dispatches two wisecracking nurses to the sorority house, as they relent and admit to their foul-up. As the sisters continue to be stalked and killed by the psycho, a final stand off is set-up between the nurses, the psychiatrist, the reporter and an unassuming house mother....

Silent Madness has all of the quality ingredients that make for a great 80's horror film: completely random, laugh out loud, coke fueled dialogue; 'incredible' effects and a totally nonsensical plot. A couple of the kill scenes were also pretty ingenious. As one of the sisters worked out in her room, hanging upside down from a swing, the killer took a rope to a dumbbell, tied the other end to her neck and sent it sailing through the second story window (FYI--its shown in the trailer below). Also, the wisecracking sheriff has to be one of the best bit characters ever to grace a horror film. He's worth the price of admission alone.

Cortez The Killer

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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!!




Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Thaw (2009)




Fear 3/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 3/5


At the hillside top of a remote arctic location a researcher (startlingly played in a 'holy shit, he's still alive?' fashion by Val Kilmer) and his crew, tranquilize a polar bear in an attempt to learn more about the affects of changing global climates and animal dietary habits. After scaling down the side of an embankment towards the snoozing bear, they find he was munching on a partially frozen carcass of a woolly mammoth. Along with his team, they attempt to exhume the rest of the body and its not long before they wish they hadn't.

Back in the states, a trio of students are chosen to join the ecological researcher and his crew. Along with the researcher's estranged daughter, the small group of tree hugging kids embark on a trip out to the research station. As they are taken by helicopter, each one argues about global warming and the difficult task of changing people's habits. The daughter claims that its hard to change and that ultimately, the work that they are interested in and that with which consumes her father's life, will ultimately prove to be pointless. This sense of hopelessness is one that is pervasive throughout the film.

The kids are diverted to the home of the researcher instead of making it out to the camp and are instructed not to show up. Unbeknownst to them, the researcher is watching and taking notes at the area where the carcass has now been sectioned off. The members of his crew are succumbing to some sort of sickness and we see that something is living and making its way ouf of the partially preserved carcass.



At the house, the kids come across the polar bear which was brought back and placed in the researcher's laboratory. Upon inspection, the guide which brought the kids to the locale is bitten by something and its not long before the contents of the polar bear start to seep out. Prehistoric parasites make their way into a couple of the kids and they wake up to open sores, pissing blood, and bleeding groin areas.

As each member of the group start to fall victim to the parasites, the researcher and father makes his way back home, having fended off his affected crew and taking a gunshot by one of them in the process. After his daughter discovers one of his recorded research tapes about the excavation site, we learn that her father has something far more sinister up his sleeve. And by film's end, we are left with a feeling that man is on the precipice of extinction from something they never knew about or remotely contemplated.

In my humble opinion, The Thaw is the best arctic related horror film since Carpenter's The Thing. Along with evoking some of the same feelings of isolation, the story is wholly original and completely terrifying. The idea of succumbing to something else not related to rising global climates or the loss of resources is really unique and definitely not outside the realm of possibility (BTW, you aren't beaten down with any sort of underlying message). Not too mention the gore scenes really got to me. One sure fire way of doing so is sticking needles or tweezers into open sores and that happened a few times. But by far and away the gnarliest scene occurred when the guide instructed two of the kids to lop off his arm before the parasites could spread. As one of them held down his outstretched arm, the other took a large kitchen knife and struck down on the infected half. But when the first attempt doesn't go through all the way, the sound of taking out the knife thats lodged into bone and flesh is extremely unnerving. Ick!

Cortez The Killer

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Monday, November 23, 2009

Dreamaniac (1986)



Fear 1/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 1/5
T&A Factor: 2/5


Words cannot begin to describe the sheer amazing-ness that is this film. I've watched it two times in as many days. I'll let my notes do the talking.

- Kid into heavy metal summons demon girl from book; haunted by her in his dreams

- Agrees to help girlfriend throw a party for her sister who's trying to get into a sorority

- Girlfriend makes bud brownies, lines up liquor bottles in prep; not true 80's horror film party w/o the coke

- Sorority gal talks to sister, tells her guy she is dating 'Has a big heart but not much else'

- Asks her what she is cooking for Brad: 'BREAST of chicken? COCK Au Verre?' Def. a whore

- Another sorority gal asks 'Where's the phone?' girlfriend responds in negative, sorority gal responds 'Mondo bad planning, what if I had to call my broker?' Yup, def. an 80's horror film

- Demon girl crashes party, oh snap

- Here we go, someone busts out mirror & starts chopping up the nose candy

- Someone asks 'Where did Suzy go?' Another responds 'How should I know?'; no investigation ever takes place

- Party gets boring, charades is suggested, '3 words', woman strangles self, makes choking noises; drunken guy shouts 'Rambo'

- Brad gets w/ whore behind back of sister; comes in about 2.5 seconds, makes silly grunting noise

- Sister gets bummed about Brad hooking up, hits the bottle, says 'I never knew tequila tasted like this. I wonder what worms would taste like in diet soda?'

- Demon gal seduces one of the guys, he wears tighty whiteys; all horny, he strokes his own leg

- She ties him up w/ electric chord; makes him drink water and plugs chord into wall, frying him

- Never good at physics, is this possible?

- Sister gets sick from drinking too much, pukes all over whore and Brad as they lie in bed; whore calls her a 'fucking cunt'

- Other drunk dude and girl start getting frisky, bust out Reddi Whip

- Before penis plow, says needs another drink, dunks head into punch bowl; demon gal stabs him and spears girl w/ fireplace poker

- Whore says 'Birds of a feather flock together'; sister wakes up after passing out, finds out they are back together; starts hitting bottle again

- Find out demon gal is a succubus and made pact w/ metalhead

- Metalhead sold souls of party goers to write better lyrics and get more girls; he's wearing a Def Leppard shirt, he's fucked

- Demon gal plays tonsil hockey w/ dude, goes down stairs and bites off his wee-wee

- Whore runs into girlfriend as she's leaving the party, says 'Maybe I should say goodbye to your boyfriend and give him something better than you gave him'

- Metalhead takes razor to whore's neck before she can leave; bitch served

- Girlfriend and shit-faced sister (w/ bottle still in hand) band together, kill tighty whitey dude who's turned into a zombie w/ ski pole

- Sisters grab power drill and kill metalhead who comes after them w/ knife, drilling straight through neck, taking off head; gore well done

- Demon girl gets pissed and goes after sisters, they're screwed

- WTF? dude from mental hospital barges in, grabs demon girl, and says 'What are you doing out again?'; hellooooo random

- Next scene, script writer talking about film; all didn't really happen

- Knock on door, he opens and gets knifed; movie ends

- Clearly directors ran out of funds

As you can see, this film is all fucking class and brilliance. Goddamn I love 80's horror films. Do whatever you can to track down a copy of this movie.

Cortez The Killer

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After Dark Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For

Planet of Terror has been chosen as one of the interwebs blogs for which to provide you with news and updates regarding this annual event.

Until our first festival update post, check out their site for current information and trailers. The recently added film The Final as well as Lake Mungo, are my leading front-runners for best offerings of this year's installment. If you're too lazy to go to the site, check out the trailers below.

http://www.horrorfestonline.com/

Cortez the Killer

The Final

Final Trailer - "Deliverance" from AGORA ENTERTAINMENT on Vimeo.



Lake Mungo

Lake Mungo Trailer from Lake Mungo on Vimeo.