Summer School (2009)

Fear 2/5
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 5/5
Creepiness 2/5

Every now and then, a horror film completely comes out of left field and punches me in the face with a fistful of awesome. I like to gamble every now and then with my Verizon Fios On Demand horror movie selections, only watching the trailer and not relying on any reviews beforehand to sway my purchasing decision. Nine times out of ten I get screwed but every now and then, I find a true gem. Like yesterday's entry, Summer School is an incredible little indie horror film, simple in set-up and execution. By film's end, you are left asking yourself 'Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?'

Meet Charlie. He's a horror film fanatic and blogger. Instead of enjoying his time off during summer vacation, he's self-imposedly put himself in school, trying to get ahead of his studies so that senior year is a breeze. Along with his burn out buddies (who are there by court order due to some recent vandalizing activities), a girl he has an eye for, the teacher, and an officer which is patrolling the halls making sure the vandals stay put, a horror movie version of Groundhog's Day unfolds.

Charlie doesn't let his love of horror films and reviewing them get in the way of his school studies. So something has to give and he instead sacrifices his sleep. During class, he passes out and wakes up to find himself in various horror movie-like scenarios: he's targeted as a sacrifice by a satanic cult, strange creatures roam the halls and come after him, a nazi soldier along with his machine gun toting sidekick mow down the school and promptly target him, vampires try to get a meal from his neck, and hillbillies chase him after he tries to escape the confines of the school. In each scenario, he unsuccessfully fends off his attackers and his life ends in grisly fashions. Afterwards, he wakes up at his desk and then proceeds to the next. After going through the aforementioned situations, the conclusion finds him facing his last and just when he thinks that he's escaped, comes an ending that neither he nor you (the viewer) expects.

Such a simple and effective film, I was so incredibly awed after watching it and I felt ashamed that I hadn't heard about it before. The film was shot in such a way that gave it a B-movie and drive-in cinema feel but overall, it has a soul and spirit thats totally unique. And look at that movie poster. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I think that horror movie poster art is a lost form. But whoever designed this definitely nailed it.

The trailer does not do the film justice nor can you totally tell what the film is about. I think it was intentionally cut that way because to reveal any of the particulars around Charlie's adventures, would spoil the surprise of the film. And surprise me it did. I promptly emailed the production company behind this and got in touch with one of the directors. I hope to interview them soon. Yes, I was THAT impressed by this film. See this indie horror adventure, ASAP. And spread the word to friends and fellow bloggers alike!

More info about the film can be found here: Random CreatureFace Films

Cortez the Killer

Clownstrophobia (2009)

Fear 1/5 --- 5/5 if you are afraid of clowns
Gore 4/5
Entertainment 4/5
Creepiness 1/5 --- 5/5 for the same

Aside from my love of slasher films that are of the mucho sleazy persuasion, next in line for me are indie horror productions. I'm pretty sure that most of us would say that the underground is where its at (despite some great offerings from the mainstream this year). Gimme a little film that could with cheap production and effects but with a script that has a heart and is well-intentioned and you've got my heart beat a flutter. Enter Clownstrophobia. Despite its flaws (which in my humble opinion makes indie horror films that much more charming), at its heart is a fun tale which translates into a fairly enjoyable film.

The movie starts off with a new attending nurse in a mental hospital getting the lowdown about a new inhabitant known only as 'Patient X'. Apparently the woman was picked up at a carnival while wearing attire that signaled ' Hey, I'm crazy', and she also happened to mentionthat her family actually worked for the carnival (as clowns of course). Trouble is, no one who worked there knew who she was. And she incessantly blathered on about her baby being taken from her. As the attendee starts to get to know her, she finds that she is indeed crazy but through her charms and wiles, proves to be right about having a child who was wrongfully taken from her.

Aside from the dealings with Patient X, a male psychiatrist who works for the institution is helping another psychiatrist who is deathly afraid of clowns. Its learned that she was tormented by her brother as a child and he took on the persona of a crazed clown after many a childhood taunts and teases. She explains that one day, she walked out into the hallway of the home after mom and dad were heard screaming and she found her brother was stabbing them to death. Guess who later escapes the confines of the asylum during a night of nurses partying hard and while partaking in some bump and grind action?

The psychiatrist and doctor band together to help a group of teenage troublemakers that are serving time in juvy who are also deathly afraid of....wait for it....wait for it.....Bozos and Pennywises. They take temporary residence in the home as they both get them to confront their fears. Little do they know that the home becomes the site of brother clown killers revenge! As the bro comes home to roost, he uses it as his personal playground, torturing, maiming and slicing and dicing the kids to his delight. Towards the end, only one survives and you are left with the questions of: Does he take up the killers mantle of crazy? And is he in fact related to one of the film's central characters?

Part slasher, part torture porn, Clownstrophobia is a gorrific delight. If you are insanely afraid of clowns, you might be best served to avoid this. As mentioned, there are some flaws that abound. The soundtrack sometimes drowns out the dialogue which actually may not be so bad considering that that was my second gripe. But overall, its got heart and its original. And that to me is what makes a good indie horror film.

No trailer for this. Instead, check out an interesting interview with director Geraldine Winters in which she discusses the trials and tribulations of film making.

Cortez the Killer

Edumacation

So this definitely exists. And the wife and I are definitely enrolled. Once we graduate I'll let you know what we plan on doing with our new knowledge. Perhaps I'll see if I can join the cast of Ghost Adventures.

- Complaint Dept.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Fear 1/5

Gore 3/5

Entertainment 1/5

Creepiness 1/5

Anyone who's a regular follower of this blog knows of my unabashed love of slasher films. The more alcohol, drug, and sex induced awesomeness, the better. Throw in some insanely (un)intentionally funny dialogue, a main antagonist, and a final girl for good measure, and usually, you had me at hello. Of course, there has to be some sort of a thinly veiled plot to kind of hold everything together but usually, its those staples which keep me coming back for more. Like zombie films, it seems like the well is running dry on this sub-genre and filmmakers are circling around for another beat down of a dead horse. Enter The Hills Run Red with its sincere effort to make a 'smart' slasher pic.

The story kicks off with a horror film fanatic as he attempts to track down the whereabouts of a copy of an infamous film. Apparently the director premiered his film years back and it was promptly shut down during the screening as it was thought to be too disturbing for mass consumption. The director then went into seclusion and as it stands, no known copy of the film exists.

Our persistently pugnacious fanatic, tracks down one of the stars of the film, a woman (who at the time was a wee little lass) that works at the local boobie bar. As he sits through her lap grinding performance, he asks her about it. We find out that the director was in fact her dear ol' dad and she hasn't seen him in years.

He follows her home and convinces her to follow him on a trek out to the woodland area where the film was originally shot instead of going to her day job which in turn pays for her nasty heroin addiction. They both set out along with his girlfriend and best friend (who both bumped nasty bits in the scene before, what classy ladies!), embarking on a mission to find the lost film and maybe, run into daddy in the process.

What the film attempts to do at this point is basically eschew all of the trappings that are a hallmark of typical horror fare: they know that cellphones actually work where they are headed, they pack a gun and deem themselves fit to take on whatever comes their way, and they remark that the woods are usually a perfect setting for horror film shenanigans, but for them, it won't be (insert everyone laughing their asses off after this astute observation). Their conscious acknowledgement of these things and coming 'prepared' for the situation is supposed to negate the fact that 1. They are being lead into the forest by a trackmark riddled stripper 2. Daddy has been in hiding for years and his only obssession in life has never truly seen the light of day and 3. The main 'star' of the film was a mysterious babyfaced masked man whose whereabouts are also unknown. Sign me up for that trip!

When they arrive, they quickly get settled in after laying claim to a space fit for camping. Its not long before the gang is stalked by the cherub faced killer. In the process of evading their attacker, they happen to run into daddy-o. Apparently his vision was never fully realized for the film and the kids are now a part of the current in-process, re-shoot of the film's ending. And guess who led the kids squarely into the thick of it? Dun dun dun. That's right, your neighborhood funded and always saintly, heroin addicted stripper!

I can appreciate what the writer and director were trying to do. But in its attempt to be a 'smart' slasher film, it turned out to be completely nonsensical. Why set things up the way it did just to execute on the likeliest of in-story, sub-villains? With not a single red herring in sight, the film was pretty much transparent from the word go. Ultimately, the film bored me to tears and did nothing to make me change my belief that the slasher sub-genre should have died in the 80's.

Cortez the Killer

The Fourth Kind (2009)

Fear 1/5
Gore 0/5
Entertainment 2/5
Creepiness 2/5

This movie is a confusing mess that requires the viewer to accept way too much and ask no questions - kind of like Catholicism. You've probably seen the trailer and know the shtick, but if not here it is: Supposedly, the entire film is true, based on actual footage and interviews of various residents of Nome, AK who have all experience a "close encounter of the 4th kind" - alien abduction. The film pushes this concept to it's extreme by including the actual footage in the film, often side by side on a split screen.

My interest in alien abduction conspiracies peaked in the late 1980's when I read Whitley Strieber's Communion. It was my senior year in high school and it freaked me the fuck out. But I was 18 years old and I am now 38 years old. Since then my interest in the subject has declined to the point that it simply doesn't interest me PERIOD. So, even though the trailer gave me a couple moments of spookiness, I anticipated that it would, ultimately be a dud.

But it isn't quite a dud, nor is it particularly good and here's why - it can't make up it's mind on what kind of movie it wants to be. Is it a fake documentary ala Blair Witch or is it a dramatization of real events ala take-your-pick? The film starts with Mila Jovawhatever walking up to the camera and explaining that the movie is based on real events and that real footage is used. She also warns that the real footage may be disturbing. The rest of the film is a mixture of actors portraying the real people and the real people captured on film - and like I said, it's often split on the screen so that (for example) Mila Jovawhatever will be saying the exact same thing as the psychologist she is portraying, in the same cadence and rhythm.

So first question - what's the point here? What is the artistic statement in having this happen? Is it to prove to the audience that Jovawhatever is a decent actress? Is it to remind us that the dramatized parts of the film are not dramatized at all, just recreation? And if so, what's the point?

How about this - why not make it a full on documentary or a full on dramatization? The only thing I got out of having this mixture on screen is a huge sense of awareness that I was watching actors acting and following a script. I was never, for one second, allowed to sit back and take it all in because of the constant reminder that this was "all based on fact - here, we'll prove it!"

Now, format and style aside, there is the question of whether or not anything on the screen is real or not. My opinion is that ALL of it was scripted, acted and dramatized. Case in point - SPOILER ALERT - there is a scene where a guy shoots his family and then himself in the head. The scene is, supposedly, actual footage (blurred out at the gory parts) that was filmed from one of the police cruisers at the scene. I highly doubt that the MPAA would allow footage of that sort to be used in a film whose sole purpose is to entertain. I doubt that the citizens of Nome would allow it, that the relatives of the family members would allow it, etc. etc. It just doesn't add up.

Then there is the scene where -SPOILER ALERT AGAIN- the doctor is "possessed" by the Sumerian speaking aliens who start barking out scary sounding, death metal vocalizations about how they are God. The stretchy mouth that the doctor gets has been used recently in numerous cheapo horror films and simply and utterly looks like CGI.

Obviously, I am not buying the reality portion of the film. There are numerous things in the film, errors in continuity, dialogue, storylines, that are far to convenient and scripted for me to believe any of it. This isn't to say that I did not buy into the film because I am not a believer in alien abduction (which I am not) but, rather, because the execution was so botched and self-aware that I simply couldn't have bought into any story they presented to me as true. Had it been either a straight documentary or a straight dramatization, this could have been terrifying.

That said, I have to admit that there were some scenes that were pretty freaky and scared me a bit - sounds captured on tape, some of the "real" video footage, and the general idea of people being so terrified by something that they would knowingly and consciously choose to blow their brains out rather than face up to it. That feeling of total helplessness is genuinely scary.

So - verdict? A solid and resounding "meh". Oh and by the way - it's all fucking fake.

- Complaint Dept